Lie to Our Heart

When i was in first grade of junior school at SMAN 4 Cirebon, i felt in love with someone. She is Dwi Agustiyani, but I never talk to her. I don't know why but just felt like i don't have any deserve to her. She is very cute, bright in my eyes, or else i just like her. But it's so pure i think. The other man or in my past, i just like someone girl with her body, or my feeling mixed with lust. Yeah.

But that day is different, i really like her, mmm..... love her. Yeah, she has a great face i think, ever guys like her.

Then when i felt i didn't have deserve to be hers, i try to closed with someone else name Resa, she is a tall and slim girl, and have a unique face. I just gathered round with her and suspected by other friend that i like her. But it's not. I just like Dwi at all.

Someday there was a trip to visit my friend that lost her father, i chose to pick up Resa. But my heart still in Dwi. It was so hurt to lie to my heart. But i just walk away, didn't know bad things happened. Everyone included Dwi saw me go with her.

Couple days later, i came to school normally. Suddenly best Friend of Dwi, Desi and Desty blocked my way to class. Then they began say something, "are you interested with Dwi?". "What is this? I don't get what you mean." They force me to say yes, then i say yes, i'd rather like Dwi than Resa. But i just said that i like her normally.

What happened next? They said words that have teared my heart into pieces. One of both say, "Dwi likes you! Would you wanna say the truth that you like her?" I'm drowned, i just couldn't said something. I just fell this world began to fall. It' suck. I'm too far with Resa, and it's impossibble too going with Resa, it was too risk. I dont wanna make Dwi felt down with my condition. "She was crying in the car when saw you with Resa," continued them. I couldn't stand of it anymore. Then i just left them behind with no word.

I see her face singing 'Bunda' song beautifully in front of class. I couldn;t keep my tears going down. The biggest creature even compared with universe, TIME freezing up. I want to hear that song from her every time.

Day by day left, there's a rumor that Dwi had have a boyfriend. Me, with my whole arrogant attitude give away my love words to someone i even don't care. Instead i have planned that i'll be in love with her. She is Kiki Puspitasari, and i can't keep it going for just one and a half month. I LIE to her,whatever i say is bullshit t her. I'm so sorry. And after broke up with Kiki, i wondered,' why i didn't make it sure?'.

Eventually i went to Dwi's best friend and asked about her and the answer was, "you're not well right, she's up for you!". After heard about that i know that first thing i saw afterlife is HELL.

This moron have his lesson, 4 years Dwi's shadowing me. And i learn someday i have to say that I LOVE YOU Dwi Agustiyani, or I USED TO. And everytime i like to someone i would like to tell them the truth.

My Better Life By My Mom

It's true that people say cure of the heart is to be with good men. I did it. Now i live in Yogyakarta, better town with old school scenery,LOL.

although my past life is not so happy, i tried hard to be seen to a lot people. why i said not good? this is the story.

My Mom is very protective woman. They didn't want me to play with the children nearby. I enunciated that my Mom didn't want me to be like them, seemed like smoking, fighting, or playing all the day. My friend was just video game and my younger sister. And we used to always play with dolls and else that my sister keen on. Or just watched TV with a lot of bad program that show off the feminism of a man, like gay.

My life become so gloom when see the fact that i was feminism. Then i began to have a bad feeling with my mom. But my Mom send me to the swimming club in the first grade of junior school. Then three years past, my body was growing well, like other friend that always plays with normal friend. And now it's me, man with gent hearth.

My Mom is miracle for me. She seems had programmed my life for the future.

I'll never give you up, Mom. Love you Mom. Sorry that i ever bad feeling to you, it doesn't meant i didn't love you. I love you endlessly. Or, I'll love you endlessly.

My Apologize

Back with me again,,

My beloved friend in IFSA, i'm sorry that i couldn't responsible with my job in IFSA. I feel no more fun there. And i'm too busy in KP3 Burung, you know my primary organization. Sorry but i'm respect to you all as a member of IFSA. I always want to have a lot of friend but i want to make clear my hearth from doubtness about being a member in IFSA.

I'm not brag but outside IFSA, my friend is truly my friend. Inside, opportunity to be someone make us arrogant, or just ignored someone. I feel it, indeed. but never mind. We'll be friend forever, all right?

Then what could i say, being there make us obstinate and spiritful with our life in Forest Faculty and in the world.

LONG LIFE IFSA